along with a talk from my cousin how I'm wasting my life, and the realisation that all of my friends actually have shit going on in there lives, that's made me think that maybe I should just finally grow up. Yes, acting childish and immature, working seven hours a week, and being a general all around douchebag can be fun for a while, but maybes you do have to finally give into the status quo at the end and just accept your terminal fate. Perhaps, all you're rebelling against beats the shit out of you in the end, and you just have to be a regular everyday Sisyphus. You can have all of the talent, and potential in the uiniverse and have all of the resources, maybes you believe you have that jais ne sais quois, but maybes that same universe has had you by the balls all along. C'est le vie?
Such is the absurd irony of life more like. What can you do other than accept your fate, and relent to metaphorically pushing the boulder up the hill, only for it to roll back down for all of eternity.
Even 18 year old said it: ''but you need a girlfriend i think''
So what the fuck do I do? Do I go the way of Camus and continue to revolt against an absurd world, follow the egotisticial path and join my friends upon a path of monotony, or just have a break down and consider suicide?
What is right?
I am very drunk and confused, this can be a very confusing world in which we live. My heart says very much REVOLT. My head says give up and join the monotony of the status quo and forego all of your god given talent and potential.
Life really is fucking ridiculous.
Yes, for the time being anyway, I'm definitely adopting the Camus philosophy of the absurd.
Yes, I desperately require a new purpose, but no fucking WAY, am I working 38hours a week.
Call me pretentious, for I don't give a fuck your opinions on me, I believe I have posess the ability to achieve greatness, and transcend all of the bullshit. I can picture my own mother and father now "get in the real world Michael" and what is this real-world?
I believe perception equals reality, and I don't believe in prostituting my life away for ridiculously measly amounts of money.
Yes, maybes I am immature. Yes, maybes, I am stupid and lucky to still be alive. Who's right? Who's wrong? I know one thing, thinking too much about this bullshit will make me depressed. There's nothing worse than thinking. It is the curse of humanity. I bet plants don't think.
All thinking ever made me was neurotic and gave me pyschosis.
FUCK THINKING.
Even old Ecky Tolle says it.
I know one thing, I just ordered a brand new vapouriser pipe and some Salvia divornum, maybes that shall give me the answers I possess, maybes not. Maybes I'm getting myself traumatised over nothing. Who really fucking knows anything?
Has life just got me trapped, or is this mother natures version of a bitches fucking congruence test? I should be shot for what I just said.
I know I'm meeting 18year old in the morning. Why? Oh fuck it.
FUCK THINKING.
Everything will figure itself out NATURALLY. Hopefully. So much for the absurd. Hope indeed. What the fuck am I raving on about. Far too drunk.
-Michael
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