Okay, so I was fucking on one last night.
I'm actually terrified I could have jeapordised my relationship with my fucking "secret lover" wild cat, minx of desire.
Why the fuck is she seeing me though if her boyfriend is overly spectacular...
Is it because I'm good looking?
Is it because of my de rigeur sex moves?
My personality?
My use of language?
My body?
Or is it because I'm just convenient.
Who knows. As Tyler says it's best just to live your life and assume absolutley nothing.
One things for certain, her dode boyfriend wasn't particuarly bedazzled by my presence. Not that I could give a fuck. I just felt drunk, and he was a pretentious overly opinionated cock.
I was just trying to be friendly and sociable whilst at the back of my mind, I had his girlfriend almost cumming from kissing a few hours prior.
It's kind of weird, it's like I've downloaded myself off of the fucking internet. Almost.
I've gone from some fat chode
brutally lets just be friendzed. After a series of disasterous attempts to convert this friend into a girlfriend, where I must have made every mistake in the fucking book... I decided enough was enough, started hitting up the gym and underwent a DIY core personality, fundamental beliefs and body transformation to turn myself into:
Well, I ws going to post a nice picture of me and the girl, she took. Apparently she doesn't want to speak to me ever again eh. So I won't.
I digress, this is an ongoing project, but to get from that fat picture above, the whole process took less than a year.
Fortunately for me, I found a few sources of inspiration, completely digested all of the information and knowledge I could, and boom I'm not a chode.
I'm also suspended from work on full pay after writing a thoroughly preposterous letter concerning being sent home from work for having fucking stupid mohullet hair.
Dear Angela
I am perturbed at my recent sending home, and wish to write a rebuttal, as I don't believe I had a sufficient chance to explain my case.
I came into work on the friday evening in order to buy black hair dye, however, the warning on the back of the box says it is dangerous to use if your scalp is somewhat irritated, which is the case with me; as it took the hairdresser multiple painful hours in order to get the colouring of my hair so light, what with my hair being so dark and all.
The precise words on the box of the hairdye:
Do not use product at all if:
-you have already experienced any reaction to colouring products.
-you have a sensitive, irritated or damaged scalp.
I personally fall under both categories.
Also, if I was to cut my hair, which I'm admittedly reluctant to do so, as I believe it personally to be very beautiful and a dynamic representation of my core personality and self-esteem, rather than for simply di rigeur: it would be most likely expensive.
As is the case, that I take great pride in my hair, and my general all around appearance these days in particular, (good healthy diet, and plenty of exercise, aswell as plenty of supplements from Holland and Barret, such as spirulina, probiotic berry powder, omega 3 fish oil, digestive enzymes et al to maintain a lean physique for example) it would require an appointment with one of the most glorious salons in Sunderland or the surrounding area, these are very very difficult to get on a weekend at short notice indeed. I would boldly go as far as to say impossible.
I was disheartened your attitude to my hairstyle was so truculent, I do not believe it to be a rebellious haircut, yes you may consider it to be unorthdox, but this is more pertaining to it being an invention of myself and not one that has been duplicated from outside sources; and thus I do not believe it constitutes a malfeasance.
It is a rather simplistic haircut really, short with a blonde stripe running down the middle, it has not in my experience offended anyone. The general consensus on my hair is that it is glorious indeed. One maiden who I served within the duration of my shift last thursday even complimented it, verbatim: ''You have nice hair...'' and in all honesty it really is homologous to a lot of hairstyles within the ASDA community.
Hopefully you would agree, that my hair isn't too bad, and doesn't make me look like a kohlrabi which would be far more offensive for the consumption of our humble customers.
I am aware that you are rather malleable and I respect and admire that greatly, such is why I have taken the time to constuct a cogent letter to try and display my opinions on this matter using the full extent of my lexicon and proper syntax in order to put my case forth fairly and clearly.
Would it not be feasible, to let me wear my hairstyle as it is? Especially as it is the time of year where one requires the money to buy others pleasant gifts and indulge in a glass of fine mead with friends. It really isn't completely fragrant.
However, I think my main concern is mainly being short of pay in the festive season is enough to make anyone feel emasculated and somewhat of a plebian.
I hope you can have empathy and I embolden you to treat this case with a level of concientious sympathy rather than condemnation, so I can attend my next shift without animadversion, for I am completely effeted in this situation. Fortunately it is not a feeling I am too unfamiliar with, growing up as a young man in an absurd world.
Anyway, thankyou for your time.
Yours sincerely
Michael Lane
My life is ridiculous at the moment.
I really have to find some kind of balance, some kind of stability, karma, some kind of lasting rather than temporary sanity, whatever.
I was having the argument with Rebex as I was writing this, and it completely reiterated everything in the previous sentence.
Perhaps the most terrifying thing is, when I started spending time with her I really hated her. I just wanted some kind of company to pass the time of day by; now I have grown to know her, we have a disturbing amount in common. The old adage again, you don't attract what you want, you attract what you are.
I fear I may just miss her and her stupid fucking 18year old ways. Or maybes not.
I'm sure I have stuff to do.
-Michael
I miss my friend Butcher who is sunning it up in glorious Dubai, and as I write this last sentence, the downtempo tunes of Ulrich Schnauss fill the air. Everything is going to be okay.
No comments:
Post a Comment