LR: Vodka dick

I met up with the girl I was seeing yesterday. She sends me a text before we meet up, basically telling me there's to be no kissing, or hand-holding.

At this point, I'm not exactly sure why I'm meeting up with her at all... but being considerate of her boyfriend I turn up and state: "I don't know what the fuck you're talking about... you're always the one who kisses me and holds my hand, I only do that shit because we like each other." or something along those lines. [credit CJ]

We wander around town, I act COMPLETELY natural, just teasing her, and busting on her, we get some food and tell her that we're getting booze too.

We walk to the off-license near mine, which is like fifteen minutes away... I buy myself a 70cl bottle of smirnoff vodka, and two bottles of soda water, and her 8bottles of alcopops.

We go back to mine, I continue teasing, but mostly considerate of her boyfriend even though he called me a freak, do not try to kiss her... this creates more sexual tension.

We drink more... I FINALLY state unequivocally why I like her.

We finally kiss, I tell her she's the sexual predator.

We drink more, talk for a few more hours... I state that we're going to have sex, and pull her tights and underwear off.

I've drank way too much vodka by this point and have trouble maintaining my hard-on. I start railing her... I'm too drunk. I go down on her for a bit, she says she came 3 times from it, although she'd previously said she didn't like oral at all. Hmmmm... what the fuck?

She gets on top, more fucking. I don't cum. Although for some absurd reason, I used three condoms.

I walk her to the busstop, although not before stopping off at my work to get some food. Everyone stares at my highly unorthodox hairstyle. We leave and laugh. Today at work should be a glorious malaise indeed.

She gets on the bus. I get home and lie down feeling extraordinarily sick.

So there you have it... I did all of the fundamentals correctly, nothing to flashy... I was cool, pumped up the attraction by teasing, putting myself on the line, being dominant and assertive and leading, created sexual tension, qualified her, actually developed a connection with the girl, and railed her... and I'm sure there's other things I did correctly and did wrongly, but I am still very hungover and can't think of them right now.

Yes, she has a boyfriend, but I feel entirely vindicated because she told me he called me a freak the night before when I was talking to her online.

-shrug-

-Michael