These past few months 'I've' been in a state of flux. I've noticed a lot of things. One of my revelations recently has been how egotistical 'I' actually am. I have made the decision from now onto be totally honest. To stay aware of the ego. Become more present. Focus on the now more. I'm going to eschew my self-absorbed, selfish and reactive ways and do more for others. Offer all of the value I can.

What it ultimately comes down to, is deep-down self-loathing. I have a deep-rooted inability to be truly comfortable in who I am. This has got to change.

After reading A new Earth I became aware of the true extent of my ego. I felt enlightened, and as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, I felt free to be more honest and open. I stopped doing the whole dancing monkey, seek validation from girls thing a long time ago. I'm still seeking external reassurance though, by being in the very pick-up community, by going on the RSD blog, ''oh, it's okay to be honest and authentic... everyone totally digs that'' or ''the more you put your real self on the line, the more everyone will love you.'' It's all very complicated and complex. The ego is like having a dangerous animal inside of you repressing your inner Hulk Hogan.

Total honesty, no more pretendies, put self on the line fully, live life, have fun, assume absolutley nothing.

Michael

Operation:Glory

-Michael