Pao yi tea...

It's been a droll week. I've spent every day of this week working. So I'll actually have some money going into the new year. Until the direct debits and credit card require payment.

I'm going to start drinking Pao yi tea, which is a chinese herbal 'medicine' in preparation for the biggest drinking binge I've ever done. I'm combining this with small meals, digestive enzymes and weights every day for the next week. The whole idea is to have my metabolism at its full peak so I don't gain too much weight or fat off all of this beer we will be drinking.

I've sollemnly taken a the vow to go to the gym six days a week in the new year in order to procure RIPPED ABS and 18 INCH BICEPS resplendent of a particuarly RIPPED Mens Health cover model.

I intend to start off by doing a five minute warm up on the exercise bike, followed by the Simon Waterson workout followed by four miles on the treadmill. Evenings will consist of 30 minutes of interval training, followed by 10 minutes on the bike or cross trainer and some boxing.

The four miles will increase to five miles within a fortnight of my new gym start date; the aim of this is naturally to increase my physical fitness to incredible levels.

These are my goals:

-I aim to be bench pressing almost twice my body weight in six months time.

-To be able to run a mile in five minutes.

-To have 3% body fat.

-To be able to go for hours in bed.

Sundays will be an active rest day, in which I'll probably use to do some circuit training in the house.

Ripped abs are a particular obsession to me, as I've been pretty much out of shape my entire life. One of the most difficult things for me in this last year was slipping back into old habits, as it can be quite easy to slip back into the patterns and conditions you've had for twenty years.

Another thing is the ego, can be a huge stumbling block. I don't know what it's called, I read about it somewhere, how when you get close to a particuarly lucid goal which is outside of your paradigm of reality it's easy to break and then stop. ''Our biggest fear isn't failing, it's achieving our own brilliant potential that terrifies us.''

This time there won't be any fuck ups. When you've stuttered through life as a fat, insecure, pretty much socially inept loser. You have to have the courage of your convictions and past experiences and know that total thorough transformation is the best way. You have to give yourself complete permission to succeed, no-one is going to give you that option.

As someone who was continually picked out and bullied at school because of being fat, just being slim doesn't seem a viable option. I'm aware that it's totally egotistical on my part. But nonetheless I want to play to win, not play not to lose. If you catch my drift.

It's like I have a constant drum in my head reminding me of the necessity to overcompensate for the years of being a fatty, with no friends, no girlfriend options. Shit, I went years at a time where I wouldn't talk to a member of the opposite sex with the obvious exclusions of my mother, grandmothers and teachers, and even then conversation was minimal.

So whilst it may to a high degree be sheer solipsism on my part. I believe it's important to have goals and ambitions in life, and when I look back upon some of my secondary school years such as being bullied by an almost retarded ugly deformed guy because I was an easy target, fat people are probably easier to pick on than retards and cripples (there's no moral guilt trip). I think I'm utterly compelled to carry this through until the very end. To transcend the adversity which exists in my head. Of course it could be the case that I'm just completely neurotic. But I like to view it as a healthy way of occupying ones time without working forty hour weeks.

Actually, the more I think about it, I might aswell get a good tan and grow my hair out and be a completely solipsistic egoist.

I think I've completely exhausted the topic of goals, hopes and dreams on this blog now, to a point of overkilling the overkill.

So there you have it: 2008 for me will be about going to absolute extremes.