So I'm on a freaking roll as of late. I feel invincible. I've been thinking a lot lately about being a natural, and what it means to be a natural. A natural to me who just gets the girls without thinking. They run on sheer impulsiveness and voila!
I was on one of my favourite websites the other day, and I realised how much of what I do is still sort of button pushing, reaction seeking based 'game'. I still say things that I know are going to get a particular reaction, move me forward, I still frame control, conciously dominate. Although I've thoroughly internalised TMM now, I constantly sift, note where I am on the Mystery Method model and how to escalate. If we're just working on the basis of doing whatever comes naturally to you, then yes, this is natural for me.
The thing which is concerning me is, how much I (sometimes unconciously sometimes not) require the attention. The disconcerting part is when you start to lie to get your reactions. It just reeks of button pushing. The problem with it is, you're ego begins to crave the reactions and thus delves further into the well, and will create ANYTHING even lies to back up this story you're crafting for yourself, so you can continue to get the reactions. It's validation seeking. So in a way, you're relying on the reactions of others or atleast certain people for your 'sense of self'. Why, am I so determined for people to like me? No. It's a little piece of insecuity, and all insecurity is to me is ego.
The only way is self amusement and garnering your fun from within. From your core. From the fucking sou. For me, I'm on a strict dose of total honesty, Gandhi and Eckhart Tolle from now on. I'm gonna get my fun from putting myself on the line 250%
Start living for myself. FUCK THE EGO. Actually, even saying fuck the ego is giving strength to it, but that's for a different post all together.
Livin' on the edge.
-Michael
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