I'm just thinking I'm going to be more positive now. Again. I've been pretty negative and angry I'd say lately. Also slightly aggressive. Really though, I have no reason to be upset, or angry or negative or anything ever. I have Helen, I get plenty of sex, I have friends, I'm purposeful, motivated, in good shape, have cool hobbies, money and have plenty of fun. What's to be upset about? Not much
I think one of the things lately, why I've became like this - is because I've been pushing everything so hard, like I want this and I want that. I think it just kind of triggers in your head that you're dissatisfied with things. When in actuality, you're not, you just want to make improvements
For the past few days, weeks, I was speaking from a very narrow perspective, of course I have friends etc and everything is good. You get upset. I get upset. We just have to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.
More positivity is good. I think looking at things and appreciating what's there and being greatful everynow and again is good. We move on.
-Michael
Monday 20 April 2009
Friday 27 March 2009
What Do I Want?
Over the past few months, I think I've made a lot of progress. By last few months, I mean since I met Helen. I think I've matured quite a lot. At the end of the day, it's progress, and that's a good thing.
Obviously with new territory comes new problems, but I think the key is just to deal with things on a day to day basis and keep my feet firmly planted on the ground.
I've noticed amongst a lot of other things other the past few months, I've been quick to state what I don't want and this is not a bad thing, because it's allowed me to get rid of alot of things that I think are very unnecessary at this stage in my development and help make progress.
However, at the same time, I don't think I've been so clear lately on what I do want, so now I'm going to look at that, and put down what I want and expect from myself, in these next few key months.
-I want a job and I want prospects. I don't like the idea of depending on others anymore, so this is going to be the key goal. To be fair, I'll take anything that's over £50 a week to get me started back on the path, but I'm not really that willing to compromise and get a call-centre job.
-I want to build myself up, but very very fit at the same time. I think this comes down to having to take a look at what I'm eating and what I'm drinking, and carrying on with a resistance programme and at the same time getting back out, starting running and whatnot to strike the balance.
-I want to eventually take things to the next level with Helen, but this isn't a main priority at the moment, things are going well, I'm very happy with her, I want to take care of these above two things, and then we can look at where we're going.
-Starting to do more and more reading, learning new things, and building on my intelligence. I want to be starting to read some very high quality stuff, I have no interest in filling my mind with junk.
So these are the main things I'll be looking at and working on, and we'll see how it goes over the next couple of days, weeks and months.
-Michael
Obviously with new territory comes new problems, but I think the key is just to deal with things on a day to day basis and keep my feet firmly planted on the ground.
I've noticed amongst a lot of other things other the past few months, I've been quick to state what I don't want and this is not a bad thing, because it's allowed me to get rid of alot of things that I think are very unnecessary at this stage in my development and help make progress.
However, at the same time, I don't think I've been so clear lately on what I do want, so now I'm going to look at that, and put down what I want and expect from myself, in these next few key months.
-I want a job and I want prospects. I don't like the idea of depending on others anymore, so this is going to be the key goal. To be fair, I'll take anything that's over £50 a week to get me started back on the path, but I'm not really that willing to compromise and get a call-centre job.
-I want to build myself up, but very very fit at the same time. I think this comes down to having to take a look at what I'm eating and what I'm drinking, and carrying on with a resistance programme and at the same time getting back out, starting running and whatnot to strike the balance.
-I want to eventually take things to the next level with Helen, but this isn't a main priority at the moment, things are going well, I'm very happy with her, I want to take care of these above two things, and then we can look at where we're going.
-Starting to do more and more reading, learning new things, and building on my intelligence. I want to be starting to read some very high quality stuff, I have no interest in filling my mind with junk.
So these are the main things I'll be looking at and working on, and we'll see how it goes over the next couple of days, weeks and months.
-Michael
Monday 9 February 2009
Stupidity in Football Redux
Felipe Scolari, the former Brazillian World Cup Winning Manager was today also sacked. It's completely ridiculous for numerous factors, actually, a lot more ridiculous than the Tony Adams sacking.
Moving on from this, it got me thinking as an aside: from a Business standpoint, why for one would you entrust a former-footballer (considering footballers aren't generally known for their intelligence) with millions of pounds to spend on current players who are also not renowned for their intelligence, and the majority these days are lacking in any kind of loyalty, honesty and class. As for the directors themselves, if they believe that they can run the clubs, and pick the teams and what-not better than the managers they employ, then they should do that, and pick and run the sides themselves and therefore be held entirely accountable. Or at the very least conduct proper interviews, like they would in a normal business and entirely set the stall about what they expect for their investment. Of course that's not going to happen.
Football is an absurd industry.
Moving on from this, it got me thinking as an aside: from a Business standpoint, why for one would you entrust a former-footballer (considering footballers aren't generally known for their intelligence) with millions of pounds to spend on current players who are also not renowned for their intelligence, and the majority these days are lacking in any kind of loyalty, honesty and class. As for the directors themselves, if they believe that they can run the clubs, and pick the teams and what-not better than the managers they employ, then they should do that, and pick and run the sides themselves and therefore be held entirely accountable. Or at the very least conduct proper interviews, like they would in a normal business and entirely set the stall about what they expect for their investment. Of course that's not going to happen.
Football is an absurd industry.
Sunday 8 February 2009
Savoy on Relationships
How do make a woman into your girlfriend? While I can't solve this issue in one article, I'll give the best starting point that I can for it.
It is both easier and harder to make a woman into your girlfriend than it is to date her casually. Because monogamous relationships are the dominant relationship type in our society, women will often assume that this is where your relationship is going unless either of you say or do something to imply otherwise.
This may seem strange on the surface. After all, you probably have not ended up in Traditional Relationships with most of the people you've slept with. This is because people often "say or do something to imply otherwise." This can be very subtle. For example, if she mentions other men or dates at any point after the first hour or so of your interaction, she's probably not looking for a Traditional Relationship. If you have a "party" vibe about you and never seem to get serious, she may assume the same about you.
Now, let's assume that you do want a Traditional Relationship. How do you get this enticing woman to be your girlfriend?
The good news is that a lot of this process is not all that different from getting her to sleep with you - show enough interest to get her looking in that direction, but not so much that you come across as pushy, clingy, or not a challenge.
In other words: get close to her without being clingy.
Your goal is to see her two to three times per week and for her to come to the conclusion on her own that she doesn't want to see other men and/or that she'd rather give up the ability to see other men in return for knowing that you won't see other women. It's important for her to come to this conclusion herself as opposed to your pressuring her.
If you pressure her into a commitment before she feels completely ready - or at least ready enough to bring it up or hint strongly at it herself - then you're significantly adding to the likelihood that she'll cheat on you later. So let's not do that.
For best results, start when in Comfort. Vague long-term plans based on common interests are a great idea. For example, if I'm dating a woman who tells me she loves art, I'll talk about how we have to go to the Getty Museum one day. If we realize we both love ice hockey, I'll comment on how we have to go to a game. If she wants to be a better cook, then I'll suggest we take a cooking class at the place under the Arclight, and maybe make it more specific by agreeing on what kind of cuisine we should learn.
[For more information, check out Chapter 9: Comfort in Magic Bullets.]
Not only are you uncovering great date ideas, but you are also 1) reinforcing any emotions she has that you and her have some exciting possibilities ahead, 2) communicating that you see potential for some kind of longer-term relationship with her, and 3) helping her imagine herself with you in other contexts in the future. Don't actually plan anything at this stage - keep it vague. Planning is boring for many women and takes away excitement and adventure and can make everything feel "too serious" to her.
Right after you first sleep with her is a key time. Solidify the connection if you can. Stay over or invite her to stay over. Have breakfast together. Call her the next day. Communicate to her by your actions (without saying it) that she's not a one-night stand to you. That's easy enough. Now do all of that without being clingy. There's no formula here. You're just going to have to use your intuition.
Also remember that women can be very unpredictable right after sex, so she may display emotions that actually have nothing to do with you. Don't react to these. Society (both the media and her peer group) bombards her with messages that her worth is tied up in her sex appeal but also makes women feel guilty or cheap for enjoying their sexuality. If she's got some odd emotions to deal with, the last thing she needs is some guy being needy. She may well act very distant from you, but still like you a great deal.
Call the next day. Handling this call correctly is crucially important. It must not be awkward.
Don't refer to having had sex with her. Don't call to "check in" with her. Call because something funny happened that you want to tell her about. Be the same natural, fun, and interesting person you were before you slept with her. Don't let any awkward silence develop, but don't sound nervous or talk too much or too quickly. If you're worried about awkward silences, cue up enough topical things to talk about for at least an eight to ten minute conversation. Don't rush into making plans unless she seems very warm and comfortable to you on this call. End the call first.
On one of your next calls, invite her to do something. If she sees you again after you've slept together, you're well on your way. Use each time you see each other to discuss mutual interests and upcoming events. Further dates will follow naturally out of these conversations. For example, say you are both talking about your love for classical music. You mention that you have tickets to the symphony for next Friday. Presto. You have another date.
At some point, she should give off some indications that she's committing to you. For example, she might reserve part of her weekend for you, or want to know what you're doing on the weekend so she can make her plans. She might suggest a weekend getaway. Introducing you to her friends more than once is a very good sign. Listen to how she introduces you, and make sure to invite her along when you are doing some activities with your friends, especially exciting high-status activities. Remember, women lose social value if their friends perceive them as easy, so if she's introducing you to them more than once, she is probably not introducing other men at the same time.
If she hasn't given any of these signals, be patient. Use the telephone to your advantage. A couple of phone calls during the week, each ideally ten minutes or so, to tell her about something interesting that happened or to check in on something specific in her life (if she was sick before, to find out if she's feeling better, if she just started a new job, to find out how that went) works wonders. It shows that you care and that you listen. Most of the usual telephone rules still apply.
At some point, she will bring up the idea of you as her boyfriend or ask you if you're seeing other women. This is not a time for a jealousy plotline. Just be genuine here. Your goal is very close.
It is a rare woman who will see you two to three times per week and never refer to you as her boyfriend or initiate a discussion about the future. But if it happens, then the responsibility falls on you to say something like "I feel funny bringing this up, but I realized we never actually talked about this. Are we supposed to be seeing other people?" Be emotionally neutral - and not nervous - when you say this. One way or another, this will resolve the issue.
-Savoy
It is both easier and harder to make a woman into your girlfriend than it is to date her casually. Because monogamous relationships are the dominant relationship type in our society, women will often assume that this is where your relationship is going unless either of you say or do something to imply otherwise.
This may seem strange on the surface. After all, you probably have not ended up in Traditional Relationships with most of the people you've slept with. This is because people often "say or do something to imply otherwise." This can be very subtle. For example, if she mentions other men or dates at any point after the first hour or so of your interaction, she's probably not looking for a Traditional Relationship. If you have a "party" vibe about you and never seem to get serious, she may assume the same about you.
Now, let's assume that you do want a Traditional Relationship. How do you get this enticing woman to be your girlfriend?
The good news is that a lot of this process is not all that different from getting her to sleep with you - show enough interest to get her looking in that direction, but not so much that you come across as pushy, clingy, or not a challenge.
In other words: get close to her without being clingy.
Your goal is to see her two to three times per week and for her to come to the conclusion on her own that she doesn't want to see other men and/or that she'd rather give up the ability to see other men in return for knowing that you won't see other women. It's important for her to come to this conclusion herself as opposed to your pressuring her.
If you pressure her into a commitment before she feels completely ready - or at least ready enough to bring it up or hint strongly at it herself - then you're significantly adding to the likelihood that she'll cheat on you later. So let's not do that.
For best results, start when in Comfort. Vague long-term plans based on common interests are a great idea. For example, if I'm dating a woman who tells me she loves art, I'll talk about how we have to go to the Getty Museum one day. If we realize we both love ice hockey, I'll comment on how we have to go to a game. If she wants to be a better cook, then I'll suggest we take a cooking class at the place under the Arclight, and maybe make it more specific by agreeing on what kind of cuisine we should learn.
[For more information, check out Chapter 9: Comfort in Magic Bullets.]
Not only are you uncovering great date ideas, but you are also 1) reinforcing any emotions she has that you and her have some exciting possibilities ahead, 2) communicating that you see potential for some kind of longer-term relationship with her, and 3) helping her imagine herself with you in other contexts in the future. Don't actually plan anything at this stage - keep it vague. Planning is boring for many women and takes away excitement and adventure and can make everything feel "too serious" to her.
Right after you first sleep with her is a key time. Solidify the connection if you can. Stay over or invite her to stay over. Have breakfast together. Call her the next day. Communicate to her by your actions (without saying it) that she's not a one-night stand to you. That's easy enough. Now do all of that without being clingy. There's no formula here. You're just going to have to use your intuition.
Also remember that women can be very unpredictable right after sex, so she may display emotions that actually have nothing to do with you. Don't react to these. Society (both the media and her peer group) bombards her with messages that her worth is tied up in her sex appeal but also makes women feel guilty or cheap for enjoying their sexuality. If she's got some odd emotions to deal with, the last thing she needs is some guy being needy. She may well act very distant from you, but still like you a great deal.
Call the next day. Handling this call correctly is crucially important. It must not be awkward.
Don't refer to having had sex with her. Don't call to "check in" with her. Call because something funny happened that you want to tell her about. Be the same natural, fun, and interesting person you were before you slept with her. Don't let any awkward silence develop, but don't sound nervous or talk too much or too quickly. If you're worried about awkward silences, cue up enough topical things to talk about for at least an eight to ten minute conversation. Don't rush into making plans unless she seems very warm and comfortable to you on this call. End the call first.
On one of your next calls, invite her to do something. If she sees you again after you've slept together, you're well on your way. Use each time you see each other to discuss mutual interests and upcoming events. Further dates will follow naturally out of these conversations. For example, say you are both talking about your love for classical music. You mention that you have tickets to the symphony for next Friday. Presto. You have another date.
At some point, she should give off some indications that she's committing to you. For example, she might reserve part of her weekend for you, or want to know what you're doing on the weekend so she can make her plans. She might suggest a weekend getaway. Introducing you to her friends more than once is a very good sign. Listen to how she introduces you, and make sure to invite her along when you are doing some activities with your friends, especially exciting high-status activities. Remember, women lose social value if their friends perceive them as easy, so if she's introducing you to them more than once, she is probably not introducing other men at the same time.
If she hasn't given any of these signals, be patient. Use the telephone to your advantage. A couple of phone calls during the week, each ideally ten minutes or so, to tell her about something interesting that happened or to check in on something specific in her life (if she was sick before, to find out if she's feeling better, if she just started a new job, to find out how that went) works wonders. It shows that you care and that you listen. Most of the usual telephone rules still apply.
At some point, she will bring up the idea of you as her boyfriend or ask you if you're seeing other women. This is not a time for a jealousy plotline. Just be genuine here. Your goal is very close.
It is a rare woman who will see you two to three times per week and never refer to you as her boyfriend or initiate a discussion about the future. But if it happens, then the responsibility falls on you to say something like "I feel funny bringing this up, but I realized we never actually talked about this. Are we supposed to be seeing other people?" Be emotionally neutral - and not nervous - when you say this. One way or another, this will resolve the issue.
-Savoy
Sinn on Mr Big
Writing this article was kind of the whole idea behind this series. Of all the characters I've ever seen on TV, no one comes closer to a guy who actually gets girls in the real world than Mr Big. From the way he ignores tests and questions he doesn't want to answer to the quality of his answers. The writers created one of the coolest most realistic bachelor characters ever seen on TV.
Let's start at the beginning. Until the last episode of the series on HBO you never find out Big's real name. I think this is an important part of his mystique. Mr Big the character was designed to be cooler, suaver, and bigger than other guys Carrie dates, for a reason. He symbolizes what Candace Bushnell the writer of SATC the book wanted her men to be. Obviously SATC is semi-autobiographical, and I make that assumption having not researched anything the writers have said but looking at the fact that both Carrie Bradshaw and Candace Bushnell are CBs and they both wrote and lived in NY in the approximate same time frames. The reason this is important, is because it shows us that Mr Big is the epitome of what a reformed party girl expected her dream guy to be like. It's because of this that Big becomes more important than the other characters. Because much like John Galt in Atlas Shrugged, he's the writer's ideal of the perfect man.
Carrie and Big meet on a street initially, then keep running into each other randomly at events in NY's see and be seen scene. Finally they make a time and a place to run into each other on purpose. Big specifically keeps it vague here. Which leads Carrie and Co to pontificate on whether it's a date or not since he called it a "drink thing." There's a good lesson there! Keep things ambiguous early on. Women are what I like to call meaning-makers. That means that they always want to try to figure out what things mean. If you say something that is easily interpreted, the discussion about you doesn't last long. If you say something vague, you become the topic of discussion for half an hour...Confusion is one of the most relevant emotions when it comes to attraction. If you can can confuse a girl ( not weird them out) they'll invest more in the interaction and the more they invest the more committed they become.
Mr Big already has a reputation,in fact Carrie first describes him like this " Mr Big, major tycoon, major dreamboat, and majorly out of my league." And this creates another piece of the puzzle when it comes to attraction. Bragging Rights. The fact that her promiscuous friend Samantha strikes out when she tries to pick him up helps. There is an overlooked reason why girls have sex with celebrities, athletes, members of entourages and well known bachelors. It's bragging rights. The same way that guys like to brag about banging a "10", girls want to brag about landing a guy who seems out of their league. Or that they beat another girl to get.
Remember girls compete much more covertly than men who are allowed to compete overtly. Last blog post, I had mentioned Toecutter's 3 Leagues theory. This is where it applies. Basically ( And again I'll apologize to TC for mangling his eloquent theory) There are three things you have to do to get a girl. The first is that you have to show her that you're out of her league. For a long time the community thought that the only way to do this was through negs. Turns out there are a lot of Natural Attraction ways to establish that you're out of a girls league. The second thing you have to do is show her that she actually is in your league. This is where qualification and seeing and appreciating the girl for who she is comes into play. And lastly you have to show her that both of you are out of everyone else's league. This relates to the idea of conspiracy one of the best ways to build a connection with a girl quickly. The three leagues theory is a great overall guideline for the process of picking up a girl.
Mr Big shows up out of Carrie's league. He also socially proofs himself when he introduces Carrie to a Supermodel friend of his at a Fashion Show. He shows Carrie that she's in his league with the way he flirts with her and asks her out. He even leaves his friend at a brunch place to suggest a date with just the two of them. And finally he shows her that they're out of everyone else's league throughout the whole 6 seasons of the show as both of them value their connection even when they're "just friends."Mr Big is a master at ignoring things that don't help him. Whether it's his reaction to Carrie blurting out "I love you.", or her prying about where the relationship is going, or why she can't keep stuff at his place. This is probably the number 1 rule of pickup and dealing with women in general. Ignore things that can't help you. If it's not useful don't react to it. If it's really important to her, she'll keep bringing it up. But if it's just some passing thought that isn't that important, but could start an argument, let it go.
The second thing Big does is he perfectly embodies the way to pass congruence tests. One of my favorites comes in Season 2 when Carrie says "You're very arrogant." and He replies "I thought that's what you liked about me." Or when she asks him what he thinks about Soulmates and he replies " I like the word soul and I like the word mate, other than that. I have no idea." Another good one that I've subsequently stolen and used on many girls happens on their first date when Carrie shows up wearing what is affectionately referred to as " The Naked Dress". Big looks her up and down confidently. Which if done right can be a huge turn on for a girl. I myself, make it a habit to get caught checking out every girl I'm out with. Big looks at the dress and goes " Interesting dress." To which Carrie replies " Meaning?" and Big responds instantly " Interesting dress."
In natural attraction you rely less on scripts and more on general principles. Big always follows the correct principles. He never argues, he always agrees, or repeats himself confidently letting his subcommunications do the rest. He also exaggerates and turns things around on Carrie all the time. All these tehcniques are things I teach when I teach natural attraction.Another thing Big does well is demonstrate he understands Carrie better than she knows herself. Showing an ability to understand women and more importantly the particular woman you're talking to is huge. In my new system of attraction I teach something called a 1 plus 1 model, which is designed to help you understand the girl in front of you by looking at her body language, fashion choices, facial expressions, actions, group of friends and more. It's super key to demonstrate this ASAP. It's different than demonstrating that you're "preselected" this is more about showing you get how girls think. The subtler you can be the better. There's a great example of this where Mr Big tells Carrie she's never been in love during their initial car ride meeting. He also uses some great examples of bait and grounding.
The last thing I want to talk about that Big does is using barriers. One of the biggest misconceptions early on in the community, was that you have to lower a woman's self esteem to get them to chase you. That's incorrect. However establishing barriers that can or would prevent you from being interested in, or getting together with the girl is hugely powerful. This is what sexual tension is made of. When there is no actual barrier, creating one adds sexual tension where otherwise there would only be release. As men we don't quite understand this. Anticipation and pursuit are an important part of sex for most women. Big continually establishes barriers from other women, to business calls, to refusing to introduce her to his mother. There are all sorts of challenges for Carrie to overcome. Which again proves that the more a girl invests in your relationship be it physically, emotionally, sexually, financially, or other, the more interested she becomes. A lot of guys biggest problem is that they are too easy, they're too eager to let the girl have her way. Which ultimately is not what she wants. In a complete over-generalization I would say that women want to be challenged and pushed to a higher level by men they believe are out of their league or different in a positive way. They want to fight to win the man over. But they have to work for it because a victory over a weak opponent leaves them feeling hollow and unfulfilled. Ultimately though they want to play the role of seductress, but can only let themselves do that with a man they feel is a worthy enough prize. Basically women want to star in their own romance novels. This back and forth "fighting" is called sexual tension. You have to master this skill of play fighting with women in order to become a prize worthy of winning. Mr Big was Carrie's big prize. That's why the show ends when he tells her she's the one. She finally won. It took her 6 years and two other major relationships but she finally got her prize. If you look at any well written relationship driven show, be it The Office or Californication. The sexual tension comes from barriers. That's why negs work, because they create a barrier of disinterest. But it's a fake barrier. You're not really disinterested. In Natural Attraction, I teach ways to create barriers while still displaying interest in the girl. This leads to natural chemistry and compatability much faster.
- Sinn
Let's start at the beginning. Until the last episode of the series on HBO you never find out Big's real name. I think this is an important part of his mystique. Mr Big the character was designed to be cooler, suaver, and bigger than other guys Carrie dates, for a reason. He symbolizes what Candace Bushnell the writer of SATC the book wanted her men to be. Obviously SATC is semi-autobiographical, and I make that assumption having not researched anything the writers have said but looking at the fact that both Carrie Bradshaw and Candace Bushnell are CBs and they both wrote and lived in NY in the approximate same time frames. The reason this is important, is because it shows us that Mr Big is the epitome of what a reformed party girl expected her dream guy to be like. It's because of this that Big becomes more important than the other characters. Because much like John Galt in Atlas Shrugged, he's the writer's ideal of the perfect man.
Carrie and Big meet on a street initially, then keep running into each other randomly at events in NY's see and be seen scene. Finally they make a time and a place to run into each other on purpose. Big specifically keeps it vague here. Which leads Carrie and Co to pontificate on whether it's a date or not since he called it a "drink thing." There's a good lesson there! Keep things ambiguous early on. Women are what I like to call meaning-makers. That means that they always want to try to figure out what things mean. If you say something that is easily interpreted, the discussion about you doesn't last long. If you say something vague, you become the topic of discussion for half an hour...Confusion is one of the most relevant emotions when it comes to attraction. If you can can confuse a girl ( not weird them out) they'll invest more in the interaction and the more they invest the more committed they become.
Mr Big already has a reputation,in fact Carrie first describes him like this " Mr Big, major tycoon, major dreamboat, and majorly out of my league." And this creates another piece of the puzzle when it comes to attraction. Bragging Rights. The fact that her promiscuous friend Samantha strikes out when she tries to pick him up helps. There is an overlooked reason why girls have sex with celebrities, athletes, members of entourages and well known bachelors. It's bragging rights. The same way that guys like to brag about banging a "10", girls want to brag about landing a guy who seems out of their league. Or that they beat another girl to get.
Remember girls compete much more covertly than men who are allowed to compete overtly. Last blog post, I had mentioned Toecutter's 3 Leagues theory. This is where it applies. Basically ( And again I'll apologize to TC for mangling his eloquent theory) There are three things you have to do to get a girl. The first is that you have to show her that you're out of her league. For a long time the community thought that the only way to do this was through negs. Turns out there are a lot of Natural Attraction ways to establish that you're out of a girls league. The second thing you have to do is show her that she actually is in your league. This is where qualification and seeing and appreciating the girl for who she is comes into play. And lastly you have to show her that both of you are out of everyone else's league. This relates to the idea of conspiracy one of the best ways to build a connection with a girl quickly. The three leagues theory is a great overall guideline for the process of picking up a girl.
Mr Big shows up out of Carrie's league. He also socially proofs himself when he introduces Carrie to a Supermodel friend of his at a Fashion Show. He shows Carrie that she's in his league with the way he flirts with her and asks her out. He even leaves his friend at a brunch place to suggest a date with just the two of them. And finally he shows her that they're out of everyone else's league throughout the whole 6 seasons of the show as both of them value their connection even when they're "just friends."Mr Big is a master at ignoring things that don't help him. Whether it's his reaction to Carrie blurting out "I love you.", or her prying about where the relationship is going, or why she can't keep stuff at his place. This is probably the number 1 rule of pickup and dealing with women in general. Ignore things that can't help you. If it's not useful don't react to it. If it's really important to her, she'll keep bringing it up. But if it's just some passing thought that isn't that important, but could start an argument, let it go.
The second thing Big does is he perfectly embodies the way to pass congruence tests. One of my favorites comes in Season 2 when Carrie says "You're very arrogant." and He replies "I thought that's what you liked about me." Or when she asks him what he thinks about Soulmates and he replies " I like the word soul and I like the word mate, other than that. I have no idea." Another good one that I've subsequently stolen and used on many girls happens on their first date when Carrie shows up wearing what is affectionately referred to as " The Naked Dress". Big looks her up and down confidently. Which if done right can be a huge turn on for a girl. I myself, make it a habit to get caught checking out every girl I'm out with. Big looks at the dress and goes " Interesting dress." To which Carrie replies " Meaning?" and Big responds instantly " Interesting dress."
In natural attraction you rely less on scripts and more on general principles. Big always follows the correct principles. He never argues, he always agrees, or repeats himself confidently letting his subcommunications do the rest. He also exaggerates and turns things around on Carrie all the time. All these tehcniques are things I teach when I teach natural attraction.Another thing Big does well is demonstrate he understands Carrie better than she knows herself. Showing an ability to understand women and more importantly the particular woman you're talking to is huge. In my new system of attraction I teach something called a 1 plus 1 model, which is designed to help you understand the girl in front of you by looking at her body language, fashion choices, facial expressions, actions, group of friends and more. It's super key to demonstrate this ASAP. It's different than demonstrating that you're "preselected" this is more about showing you get how girls think. The subtler you can be the better. There's a great example of this where Mr Big tells Carrie she's never been in love during their initial car ride meeting. He also uses some great examples of bait and grounding.
The last thing I want to talk about that Big does is using barriers. One of the biggest misconceptions early on in the community, was that you have to lower a woman's self esteem to get them to chase you. That's incorrect. However establishing barriers that can or would prevent you from being interested in, or getting together with the girl is hugely powerful. This is what sexual tension is made of. When there is no actual barrier, creating one adds sexual tension where otherwise there would only be release. As men we don't quite understand this. Anticipation and pursuit are an important part of sex for most women. Big continually establishes barriers from other women, to business calls, to refusing to introduce her to his mother. There are all sorts of challenges for Carrie to overcome. Which again proves that the more a girl invests in your relationship be it physically, emotionally, sexually, financially, or other, the more interested she becomes. A lot of guys biggest problem is that they are too easy, they're too eager to let the girl have her way. Which ultimately is not what she wants. In a complete over-generalization I would say that women want to be challenged and pushed to a higher level by men they believe are out of their league or different in a positive way. They want to fight to win the man over. But they have to work for it because a victory over a weak opponent leaves them feeling hollow and unfulfilled. Ultimately though they want to play the role of seductress, but can only let themselves do that with a man they feel is a worthy enough prize. Basically women want to star in their own romance novels. This back and forth "fighting" is called sexual tension. You have to master this skill of play fighting with women in order to become a prize worthy of winning. Mr Big was Carrie's big prize. That's why the show ends when he tells her she's the one. She finally won. It took her 6 years and two other major relationships but she finally got her prize. If you look at any well written relationship driven show, be it The Office or Californication. The sexual tension comes from barriers. That's why negs work, because they create a barrier of disinterest. But it's a fake barrier. You're not really disinterested. In Natural Attraction, I teach ways to create barriers while still displaying interest in the girl. This leads to natural chemistry and compatability much faster.
- Sinn
Sinn on Howard Roark
Hey guys,I'm kinda under the weather today, probably the remnants of the Vegas trip combined with getting kinda wasted last night. Not a good call.Oh well, Over the last few weeks I've been trying to get more into reading actual literature. And I decided to get started with The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged. So over the past couple of weeks, I've read about 2000 pages of Ayn Rand's Objectivist Epistemology, and I'll be boiling that down to what I think can effectively help you with women and dating.I actually read The Fountainhead after I read Atlas Shrugged, but I want to talk about it first, as I think it builds the foundations of Rand's philosophies about Men, Self-Esteem, Values, Happiness, Judgements etc...
The Fountainhead is the story of Howard Roark an architect. The book starts with a bang as Roark is thrown out of school for refusing to follow the standards of traditional architecture. This is one of the main points of all of Ayn Rand's writings. The only way for men to be happy in Rand's view is for them to live ONLY by their own standards, values and judgements. Men are certain, set their course and find the work that makes them happy. Howard Roark is the living embodiment of Rand's philosophy. Throughout the book he is punished for his commitment to excellence, his vision and his ability to produce and enjoy his production. He is opposed by the second raters, the worshippers of death who want to see man as a slimy lowly creature, to be dominated by means of lies, and distortions.
Roark's certainty in his standards is one of his most amazing traits. In fact throughout the book he is called upon to help his polar opposite Peter Keating with various architectural tasks. Early in the book as Roark is helping Peter to decide on what job to take. Peter asks how Roark can always manage to decide. Roark responds by asking him how he can let others decide for him. This is huge when it comes to meeting women. You must have your own standards and be able to make decisions. You have to have things that are more important to you than getting laid or having a girlfriend. You must know what you stand for and consistently make decisions moving towards that.Let's take a look at how Roark is described by Rand in her initial notes for The Fountainhead."Howard Roark- The noble soul par excellence. The man as man should be. The self-sufficient, self confident, the end of ends, the reason unto himself, the joy of living personified. Above all-the man who lives for himself, as living for oneself should be understood. And who triumphs completely. A man who is what he should be."Furthermore Rand shows the sufferring and unhappiness caused by not living by your own standards and doing things to appease the masses. Everything from Peter worrying about whether or not he really loves his mother, to Gail Wynand coming into power by giving the masses what they want, and becoming miserable along the way. We'll get more into both of those guys and how they perverted their standards in order to get what they think they want.
This is something that a lot of more advanced guys can see in their own game. You can get girls, but you can't seem to keep the cooler, hotter ones etc... I'll talk about how guys pervert their standards with women in the Gail Wynand and Peter Keating lessons upcoming.That's why it's so important to know who you are and what is important to you. This and this alone causes you to come off certain, passionate, dynamic, and alive. By living by your own standards and not looking externally for validation you become more attractive. In pick up lingo this is known as being "non-reactive." But in order to really be non reactive, you have to stop looking outside of your own standards of right and wrong for validation. You have to stop seeking others approval. In short you have to stop giving a fuck. Or become internally validated. TD once wrote that as a man you are responsible for creating and maintaining your own state. That means you have to step up, and learn to draw validation from who you are, not what you accomplished or how much you've read.
Later in the book is where Rand ties in the idea of being selfish. It is a kind of selfishness to elevate your beliefs and standard above all others. It is something of an arrogance to believe you know best. But it is what being a man is all about. The men who have shaped hostory have been men that believed in their own abilities, reason, and virtue. One of the main characterizations we see throughout this book and Atlas Shrugged is the idea of heroic men without guilt for their virtues. Roark refuses to feel bad for his selfishness and instead feels nothing for it. The act of following his values is as second nature to him as breathing. He knows no other way.As guys we often feel guilty about our achievements, desires, judgements, choices etc... One of the most interesting things about Rand's writing to me is the idea of guilt rejection. Her characters are willing to suffer for their virtues. Be it Dominique Francon marrying two men she doesn't love and letting them have their way with her. Or Roark refusing more commisions than I can remember because they wouldn't let him build the way he wanted to. What her heroes(and heroines) don't do is accept any guilt whatsoever for the way they are. The only exception in here is Gail Wynand but I'll get to that in the another post. Howard Roark is the posterchild for self esteem, while Peter Keating is the posterchild for ego. In becoming self sufficient, autonomous, and masculine, you re-store your self esteem. By holding a respect for yourself above a respect for anything else, you become a more attractive person. That's why "jerks" get women. Because jerks (and naturals) are selfish. They don't care much about people other than themselves. And even though that's a perversion of the idea of being autonomous and having self esteem, it subcommunicates very similar things, which women are attracted to.In fact next time I'm going to continue to discuss Howard Roark as we take a look at his love affair with Dominique Francon and what we can learn about sexual tension, power exchange and values related to sexual love.
-Sinn
The Fountainhead is the story of Howard Roark an architect. The book starts with a bang as Roark is thrown out of school for refusing to follow the standards of traditional architecture. This is one of the main points of all of Ayn Rand's writings. The only way for men to be happy in Rand's view is for them to live ONLY by their own standards, values and judgements. Men are certain, set their course and find the work that makes them happy. Howard Roark is the living embodiment of Rand's philosophy. Throughout the book he is punished for his commitment to excellence, his vision and his ability to produce and enjoy his production. He is opposed by the second raters, the worshippers of death who want to see man as a slimy lowly creature, to be dominated by means of lies, and distortions.
Roark's certainty in his standards is one of his most amazing traits. In fact throughout the book he is called upon to help his polar opposite Peter Keating with various architectural tasks. Early in the book as Roark is helping Peter to decide on what job to take. Peter asks how Roark can always manage to decide. Roark responds by asking him how he can let others decide for him. This is huge when it comes to meeting women. You must have your own standards and be able to make decisions. You have to have things that are more important to you than getting laid or having a girlfriend. You must know what you stand for and consistently make decisions moving towards that.Let's take a look at how Roark is described by Rand in her initial notes for The Fountainhead."Howard Roark- The noble soul par excellence. The man as man should be. The self-sufficient, self confident, the end of ends, the reason unto himself, the joy of living personified. Above all-the man who lives for himself, as living for oneself should be understood. And who triumphs completely. A man who is what he should be."Furthermore Rand shows the sufferring and unhappiness caused by not living by your own standards and doing things to appease the masses. Everything from Peter worrying about whether or not he really loves his mother, to Gail Wynand coming into power by giving the masses what they want, and becoming miserable along the way. We'll get more into both of those guys and how they perverted their standards in order to get what they think they want.
This is something that a lot of more advanced guys can see in their own game. You can get girls, but you can't seem to keep the cooler, hotter ones etc... I'll talk about how guys pervert their standards with women in the Gail Wynand and Peter Keating lessons upcoming.That's why it's so important to know who you are and what is important to you. This and this alone causes you to come off certain, passionate, dynamic, and alive. By living by your own standards and not looking externally for validation you become more attractive. In pick up lingo this is known as being "non-reactive." But in order to really be non reactive, you have to stop looking outside of your own standards of right and wrong for validation. You have to stop seeking others approval. In short you have to stop giving a fuck. Or become internally validated. TD once wrote that as a man you are responsible for creating and maintaining your own state. That means you have to step up, and learn to draw validation from who you are, not what you accomplished or how much you've read.
Later in the book is where Rand ties in the idea of being selfish. It is a kind of selfishness to elevate your beliefs and standard above all others. It is something of an arrogance to believe you know best. But it is what being a man is all about. The men who have shaped hostory have been men that believed in their own abilities, reason, and virtue. One of the main characterizations we see throughout this book and Atlas Shrugged is the idea of heroic men without guilt for their virtues. Roark refuses to feel bad for his selfishness and instead feels nothing for it. The act of following his values is as second nature to him as breathing. He knows no other way.As guys we often feel guilty about our achievements, desires, judgements, choices etc... One of the most interesting things about Rand's writing to me is the idea of guilt rejection. Her characters are willing to suffer for their virtues. Be it Dominique Francon marrying two men she doesn't love and letting them have their way with her. Or Roark refusing more commisions than I can remember because they wouldn't let him build the way he wanted to. What her heroes(and heroines) don't do is accept any guilt whatsoever for the way they are. The only exception in here is Gail Wynand but I'll get to that in the another post. Howard Roark is the posterchild for self esteem, while Peter Keating is the posterchild for ego. In becoming self sufficient, autonomous, and masculine, you re-store your self esteem. By holding a respect for yourself above a respect for anything else, you become a more attractive person. That's why "jerks" get women. Because jerks (and naturals) are selfish. They don't care much about people other than themselves. And even though that's a perversion of the idea of being autonomous and having self esteem, it subcommunicates very similar things, which women are attracted to.In fact next time I'm going to continue to discuss Howard Roark as we take a look at his love affair with Dominique Francon and what we can learn about sexual tension, power exchange and values related to sexual love.
-Sinn
Progress and Setting Long-Term Goals and Being a Man
Over the past year, I'd say I've made a lot of progress as a person. Definitely, in the sense I've matured as a person. I've definitely developed a pretty laid back and easy going attitude. As a consequence, when things get a little tough, it's easy to turn around and say, hey, life's too short to be worrying about this shit, but I've realised, really, anything that's worth getting requires hard work, persistence and dedication.
There's a lot of factors, that have gone into developing this kind of outlook and attitude, I'd say credit to Matthew McConaughey. I've learned a lot about being physically and mentally healthy from MMcC, also a lot about really cool and living by your own set of standards and rules.
Lance Armstrong, I read his two books, which I thought were absolutley outstanding and invaluable. There's a lot of great stuff in those books, but the stuff I found most amazing, was his attitude towards rising to and overcoming huge challenges. Obstacles are only there to be overcome. Subsequently, I also learned a lot about coming outside of your comfort zone and facing these kinds of challenges head on. Pushing yourself, and becoming not only a winner, but a champion in life. Not only this, I also learned, that you really have to appreciate the people around you. You can't achieve anything without the people around you. Life is essentially a team game. His attitude is really astonishing. Also, another thing with Lance is, yet again, he truly lives by his own set of standards, rules and values. Brilliant stuff.
Roy Keane. Roy is yet another who truly lives by his own code of rules and ethics. His composure is incredible, There's also a true beauty to the way he keeps things simple, and his ability to accept things and move on, without getting carried away. It's a very down-to-earth and grounded attitude, which is very marvellous.
The thing I'd say all of these guys have in common, is that they're LEADERS. Yes, you may say McConaughey is a movie-star. Well, that's exactly why he is the in the position he can do whatever the fuck he wants. He is rich, good-looking,a movie-star, he has ripped fucking abs, who is going to tell McConaughey what to do? Exactly. They're classic Alpha-Male type characters.
They have the composure, they're dominant, assertive, honest and authentic, they're particuarly honest with themselves first and foremost, you can't be honest with others if you can't be honest with yourself. They're competitive and have a hunger and desire to achieve. That is their reality they want to achieve the best. They have clear cut sets of standards, rules and behaviour, which they expect from THEMSELVES and thus they don't settle for anything less from themselves let alone others. If they fail, which doesn't tend to happen often, because they trust themselves entirely to make the right choices, they don't bitch and moan. Why would they? If they fuck up, big deal. It's not the end of the world.
It's their attitudes that have led them to be successful, their success is all a result of their attitude, rather than the reverse. They're not afraid to make decisions, which is of course, what being a leader and a real-man is all about. Of course, there's other important characteristics and attributes, but I'd say these are as important as any.
I look forward to reading The Fountainhead and about Howard Roarke very soon indeed.
There's a lot of factors, that have gone into developing this kind of outlook and attitude, I'd say credit to Matthew McConaughey. I've learned a lot about being physically and mentally healthy from MMcC, also a lot about really cool and living by your own set of standards and rules.
Lance Armstrong, I read his two books, which I thought were absolutley outstanding and invaluable. There's a lot of great stuff in those books, but the stuff I found most amazing, was his attitude towards rising to and overcoming huge challenges. Obstacles are only there to be overcome. Subsequently, I also learned a lot about coming outside of your comfort zone and facing these kinds of challenges head on. Pushing yourself, and becoming not only a winner, but a champion in life. Not only this, I also learned, that you really have to appreciate the people around you. You can't achieve anything without the people around you. Life is essentially a team game. His attitude is really astonishing. Also, another thing with Lance is, yet again, he truly lives by his own set of standards, rules and values. Brilliant stuff.
Roy Keane. Roy is yet another who truly lives by his own code of rules and ethics. His composure is incredible, There's also a true beauty to the way he keeps things simple, and his ability to accept things and move on, without getting carried away. It's a very down-to-earth and grounded attitude, which is very marvellous.
The thing I'd say all of these guys have in common, is that they're LEADERS. Yes, you may say McConaughey is a movie-star. Well, that's exactly why he is the in the position he can do whatever the fuck he wants. He is rich, good-looking,a movie-star, he has ripped fucking abs, who is going to tell McConaughey what to do? Exactly. They're classic Alpha-Male type characters.
They have the composure, they're dominant, assertive, honest and authentic, they're particuarly honest with themselves first and foremost, you can't be honest with others if you can't be honest with yourself. They're competitive and have a hunger and desire to achieve. That is their reality they want to achieve the best. They have clear cut sets of standards, rules and behaviour, which they expect from THEMSELVES and thus they don't settle for anything less from themselves let alone others. If they fail, which doesn't tend to happen often, because they trust themselves entirely to make the right choices, they don't bitch and moan. Why would they? If they fuck up, big deal. It's not the end of the world.
It's their attitudes that have led them to be successful, their success is all a result of their attitude, rather than the reverse. They're not afraid to make decisions, which is of course, what being a leader and a real-man is all about. Of course, there's other important characteristics and attributes, but I'd say these are as important as any.
I look forward to reading The Fountainhead and about Howard Roarke very soon indeed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)